Behind Enemy Lines: Black Friday preview from a Chicago Bears fan living in Philadelphia

As the Alliance wraps up this Friday in Philly, let me give you the honest truth from a Bears fan who has survived more than twenty years living in Eagles country. If nothing else, it builds character. Thick, calloused, emotional-damage-proof character.

Bears fans have basically been living in NFL poverty since 2006, and for one brief, shining moment in 2018, we really thought we were crawling out of it. Young quarterback, elite Vic Fangio defense, actual hope for the first time in forever.

Then Cody Parkey stepped up, hit the upright, hit the crossbar, and delivered be one of the most soul-crushing lossses of my life. Do you know what it’s like living in Philadelphia and having to hear about the Double Doink every day of my life? It’s enough to put thought of jumping off the Ben Franklin Bridge in my head on a nightly basis.

Still though, if we’re being completely honest, a win against the Eagles that night meant a Chicago Bears Super Bowl for the first time since 1985. Nobody else was stopping us and I refuse to believe any different.

Regardless, after that fateful night in Chicago, it has been nothing but misery, panic, collapses, and more rebuilds than a Home Depot commercial. We have been stuck in purgatory for nearly a decade.

Every year I have to come into work and listen to The Liberty Line boys talk shit and essentially ban me from any football conversation happening around the office. I mean seriously, look at how I’m treated at work. Conway wrote this article just a few hours ago. It’s almost criminal behavior from my “friends.”

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Now that we’re all on the same page, there is some positive news on the horizon Bears fans. This year feels different. We have a new coach and a quarterback who might be ascending into greatness.

Please do not screenshot this if things go downhill but we are finally playing meaningful football in late November. I never thought I would type those words. Chicago is 8–3 and before you Birds fans start chirping, I already know what you’re going to say…

“You only have one win against a team with a winning record.”

Yeah, no shit? That’s fucking cool to bring up as your only logical counterpoint. Last time I checked, TLL calls those types of freaks “statsexuals” and that’s even a stretch.

Plus, it’s not anyone has control over the schedule, you just play what’s in front of you. I’m pretty sure Jalen Hurts says shit like that weekly in the form of a poem after the Birds squeak out wins, right?

At the end of the day, I’m just trying to enjoy a Sunday without emotional trauma. Even some of our wins look like they were held together with duct tape and prayer, but they count just as much as the dominant ones.

I’m not apologizing for any of them.

Just last week everyone was talking about a Bears-Eagles Alliance and no one was looking at anything else but the standings and more specifically, what’s happening in the win column so why start now?

Let’s look ahead to Black Friday

I have absolutely no idea what to expect. The Chicago Bears have ruined me to the point where I have zero confidence in my ability to predict anything here. I would compare it to the 76ers here in Philly and really, it’s probably the honest sentence any Bears fan has ever written.

I do know that somehow, the Bears come into this game with the better offense.

That sentence does not even feel real, and yet here we are. They’ll face an Eagles defense that is still one of the most dangerous units in the league.

Chicago’s plan is simple. Run the ball and then run it again. Then run it a third time just to set up play-action. This game will be decided in the trenches. Our rebuilt interior offensive line versus Jalen Carter and Jordan Davis. If you enjoy watching giant human beings collide at full speed, congratulations, this matchup is your Super Bowl.

The Eagles are banged up in the secondary, so I fully expect Ben Johnson to test them early and often. Would not shock me in the slightest if he pulls out a trick play.

If one of those trick plays is drawn up for an offensive lineman, I will personally ascend faster than Caleb Williams. One thing we can all agree on is the fact that there is nothing more pure in football than a big man touchdown followed by a fat-guy celebration.

On defense, the Bears come in leading the league in turnovers and turnover margin. They’re doing it without their top two cornerbacks, Jaylon Johnson and Kyler Gordon. The math makes no sense, but I’m not complaining.

C.J. Gardner-Johnson returns to Philly for the first time since winning a Super Bowl here, and he has been awesome for Chicago. He will absolutely be carrying a chip into this one and with the injuries the Eagles are dealing with on offense, he might just be the guy to turn the game on it’s head.

Here’s the part that scares me.

Saquon Barkley might go nuclear. The Bears have been awful against the run, giving up more than five yards per carry, and could be down three starting linebackers. If Chicago doesn’t force turnovers, this has “get right game” written all over it for the Eagles offense.

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At the end of the day, the fact we are even talking about meaningful football in late November feels incredible. Usually by now, Bears fans are nine mock drafts deep into next season, emotionally checked out, and I’m avoiding making Under Win Total payouts to everyone at TLL HQ.

So how do I see it going?

PREDICTION: Bears 72, Eagles 10.

Yes, I’m delusional. But when your team finally plays meaningful football, dreaming big is part of the fun.

Editors Note: Making everyone read this article and then not even giving an actual final score prediction is such a bullshit thing to do. It’s because Chris knows that the Bears are going to get their ass beat by a very pissed off Birds team. He also owes be Unders bets for the past four seasons. GO BIRDS. DICKHEAD.

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