Once again, PETA has done something that makes the question the validity of the first amendment. PETA does some dumb campaign like this once a month or so to change how people talk and remove animal cruelty connotations from our language. The target this time? The bullpen.

After I first saw that tweet, I had to take a second and breathe. The people’s stupidity at PETA often makes headlines, but every time it happens, I’m equally baffled. 

There are much bigger issues at play here in the United States. Police brutality, the ever-widening wealth gap, and multiple active genocides around the world come to mind. And you’re concerned about a fucking cow’s feelings?

I’m not heartless, either. I believe you’ve got to treat these animals with at least a modicum of respect. They’re feeding the country, man. But PETA is doing this all wrong.

Don’t bring up meaningless semantics during one of the most significant sporting events of the year, especially when you’re trying to legislate the speech of people who do not give a rat’s ass about what you’re saying.

I get they do it to cause a reaction. And it’s working. But guess what. I’m not going to stand for this anymore. There need to be consequences for needlessly stirring up the public to try and advance your pointless agenda.

I’m literally about to hop in the car and buy as many steaks as possible just to spite these pompous chodes. Think you’re making a difference? Think again, Jolly Green Douchebags.

Honestly, I might never eat a plant again. Thus, I’ll go full Rogan, except instead of freshly hunted elk, it’ll be with excessively tortured cows.

Hell, I’m going to start cow-tipping. It had never interested me, but now, thanks to my friends at PETA, it’s all I can think about.

They thought they could just waltz onto the timeline, cause an uproar, and face zero consequences. Well, they didn’t account for me, Philadelphia. 

Watch out. There’s a new Meat Man in town.

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Mandatory Credit: PETA