In an unfortunate piece of news this week, Tastykake announced they are adding the iconic Butterscotch Krimpets to the seemingly ever-widening list of recalled items. The issue at the old factory? Metal mesh.

“Metal mesh?” you might ask.

Metal mesh.

Now, this is the first I’ve heard of the Tastykake recall, but it seems pretty serious. I mean, first of all, there’s METAL MESH inside of food products. Second of all, if our Tastykake treats are tainted, is anything in life sacred?

Here’s the statement released from the Food and Drug Administration:

As a precautionary measure, the company is voluntarily recalling certain Tastykake multi-pack cupcakes and certain Krimpets products due to the potential presence of tiny fragments of metal mesh wire. The recall was initiated following notification by a vendor of the possible contamination in a supplied ingredient and is being amended following additional notification from the vendor.

The Tastykake multi-pack cupcakes products being recalled were distributed to retail customers in Delaware, Maryland, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Washington DC, and West Virginia. The Tastykake Krimpets products being recalled were distributed to retail customers throughout the U.S.

How the hell does metal mesh end up in one product, let alone ten? I don’t know the exact number of recalled items, but it’s not looking pretty for the crew at Tastykake.

Unfortunately, if you have any of the canonically good Tastykake treats in your house marked “Enjoy by Nov. 24 or Dec. 1,” you could be playing Russian Roulette. Except, instead of a gun, it’s a krimpet or cupcake with fucking mesh in it.

God, even I couldn’t make that up if I tried.

The recall stretches all along the Mid-Atlantic. Unfortunately, the bigger the company, the more amplified their fuck-ups are. That’s just business.

Tastykake’s failures are reflective of our own as a society

And, you know what, I will use this article to express my perhaps controversial opinion.

I wouldn’t say I like Tastykakes very much at all. But, don’t get me wrong. I used to be all up in the baked goods section at Wawa scheming for some Butterscotch Krimpets or a pie. Nowadays, not so much.

I don’t know what happened or when, but those Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes got smaller, drier, and simply less tasty at some point. It’s sad to see the continued decline of a brand so integral to the Philadelphia experience. 

Unfortunately, this latest case of metal mesh malpractice is nothing more than another milestone in the company’s collapse. And, as Tastykake slowly dies, so in part does the American fabric. When the Krimpets go, so does democracy.

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