The “Netaverse” blurs the line between 2k and reality, sets dangerous precedent
The Brooklyn Nets are officially headed to the metaverse. Or, rather, the Netaverse™.
That’s right, the NBA’s least-super-super-team is ready to cross the digital Rubicon into the unknown. At the moment, the team has only registered a trademark, but they’ve hinted at a few interesting metaverse-related ventures, according to Boardroom.
Only one of their proposed projects is actually worth anybody’s time. The broadcasting/replaying games using a new video system that creates 3d renderings in seconds is objectively sick.
The Netaverse looks like a 2k sim come to life:
Yeah, I can’t even lie. That’s incredibly cool.
It’s just the tip of the iceberg for the Netaverse, however. The Nets plan on selling merchandise, launching a virtual concierge service, and much more.
That’s obviously where they lose me. The whole idea of spending actual money on virtual bullshit is absurd to me. But I’m sure the Brooklyn brownstone elite will be sure to buy the latest Brooklyn Nets gear to show to their friends they secretly despise at their next virtual drug binge.
To me, the Netaverse is for people that think Kyrie is a kind of yoga. Outside of watching the games in 3D, the rest of the project is just a soulless digital cash grab to capitalize on New York’s own culture of material one-upmanship.
Also, digital t-shirts are just stupid.
Now I know why the Sixers-Color Star partnership came out of nowhere. The organization found out about the Netaverse and was desperate to beat Brooklyn to the punch. But, unfortunately, the Sixers went in a little half-cocked and, well, you know, struck a deal with a sentient robot.
Both the Sixers and Sir Lucas Capetian have to be sick to their stomachs right now. They had the chance to create the SixersVerse and rake in millions of dollars.
Instead, they get to watch Jay-Z and a Russian oligarch with blood on his hands frolic in the digital poppy fields of the metaverse. No wonder Capetian is ticked off about how the partnership ended.
Look, I’ll be honest, I’m terrified of the metaverse. But, at the same time, it seems as though resistance is futile. The prudent move now is just fall in line and stop asking questions as far as I’m concerned.
The world will soon be unbearably hot, the sea will swallow mountain ranges whole, and we’ll be locked in our vaults riding out the apocalypse watching classic Brooklyn Nets playoff series in the Netaverse.
It’s inevitable. You don’t have to embrace it. Just go limp and let it carry you.
And, Sir Lucas… the offer is still on the table.
Mandatory Credit: YES Network