Monkey Update: Well at the very least, you simply cannot say I didn’t try to warn you about the monkey crash that happened over the weekend. While other websites were sleeping and not posting anything on Saturday, I was on top of the monkey beat shortly after a trailer of 100 monkeys were involved in a crash on I-80 in Danville, PA. 

In that article, I warned our readers of a few different outcomes:

• Planet of the Apes
• The End of the Human Race
• Stop acting like you know anything about Climate Change
• Monkeys spread infectious disease and the politicians in Harrisburg were probably thrilled at another chance to lock the state down. 

Luckily, none of my main concerns have come true. People are still pretending to be scientists and talk about climate change, apes haven’t taken over the world, and the often stupid human race is still moving along with no concern for their own safety.

However, we do have new developments from the monkey crash that makes number four on the list above somewhat credible. 

Today, the Daily Mail reported that a woman who stopped to help monkeys in truck crash now has a cough and pink eye after one of the macaque monkeys HISSED in her face. 

First of all, what an idiot.

There’s no way I’m ever stopping to help a bunch of monkeys being transported to an unknown lab that ended up in a major crash in the middle of Pennsylvania.

Also just to be clear, no details on why or where the lab location was have been released.

To the animal people, don’t even start. These lab test monkeys were already doomed to begin with. Sorry, the world sucks sometimes, it’s best to just not think about those types of things and continue on your way.

Go ahead and check your shampoo and other bathroom products and how they are tested and made, I guarantee you won’t like what you find. What are you eating for dinner tonight? Yeah. That too.

Anyways, that wasn’t the time to be a hero, lady.

These lab test, crab-eating long tailed macaque monkeys are no good and over the weekend, residents in the area were warned to not engage with monkeys if found. All four of the monkeys that were presumed to be at large over the weekend have been found, but what type of damage already happened while they were on the run? 

Now, we have this failed hero of a lady taking antiviral drugs and treatment to prevent rabies.