Idaho diner breaks longest ‘cheesesteak’ record in horrific fashion

The Main Street Grill of Lewiston, Idaho, committed a blatant act of heresy today, and no, it’s not Satanic worship. But it certainly is close.

The Idaho diner made what it claims to be the world’s longest cheesesteak:

An Idaho diner just broke the record for world’s largest cheesesteak. Yes… Idaho 🙄 https://t.co/rrokXl5iRN

— The Philadelphia Inquirer (@PhillyInquirer) August 29, 2023

Despicable. I don’t even know where to begin.

Okay, I lied. As The Liberty Line’s resident Sandwich Commentator, I always know where to start. But don’t blame me for dishonesty when we should be pointing the finger at Main Street Diner for this blasphemous endeavor.

People are hung up with it being made in Idaho, which is an admittedly fair aspect to be stuck on. But there are two main issues here that should preclude this from both record contention and cheesesteak consideration.

1. It’s not a continuous sandwich. It’s multiple sandwiches lined up like the Human Centipede
2. It’s not a cheesesteak

It doesn’t matter if you want the world record for the longest sandwich or the largest sandwich. There has to be one rule: make one long goddamn sandwich, you heathens.

As you can see, it’s clearly a bunch of 12-inch cheesesteaks laid end-to-end. Now, that statement may be in direct contradiction to my second issue with the whole thing, but the point stands nonetheless.

They didn’t even attempt to give the appearance of being one single entity. Zero effort deserves zero respect in the record books, as far as I’m concerned.

At least the mad scientist had the courtesy to sew the Human Centipede together ass to mouth to make it authentic. In fact, it would’ve arguably been more twisted to line the people up like that and just make them stay put without any grafting procedure of any kind.

And before you start making this about some fictional geographic beef I have with Idaho. I had the exact same criticism when a spot in Philadelphia made a three-block hoagie using the same method. Also, I never think about Idaho. Ever.

As for my claim that this isn’t a cheesesteak, well, it isn’t. It’s got some kind of Monterrey jack whatever-the-fuck cheese sauce to start. And I don’t even want to know what kind of bread that is.

Need I really say more?

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Mandatory Credit: Idaho State Journal