Nerd Alert: ESPN Analytics has the Eagles losing 4 straight games, which is just absurd

Statsexuals are at it again, folks. This time, instead of dorks on Twitter, the nerds over at ESPN Analytics have predicted the Eagles will lose not one, not two, not three, but FOUR straight games after their bye week.

While the Eagles have the toughest stretch any team will face all season, there’s no way ESPN Analytics thinks they’ll lose the next four:

How many times do we have to teach this lesson, nerds? I swear to god, it might be time to start shoving statsexuals in lockers like in the old days. This is getting ridiculous.

I understand going Chiefs, Bills, Niners, and Cowboys in four straight weeks would be scary to a lesser franchise, but this is the Birds we’re talking about. They just beat Dallas

We’re playing Pat Mahomes with his Make-A-Wish receiving corp, Josh Allen who turned into a pumpkin midway through the season, Brock Purdy (lol), and Dakota Prescott and the horribly undisciplined Dallas Cowboys. I mean, come on.

I’m not going to sit here and say the Eagles are going to win all four, but that’s a hell of a lot more likely than losing them all. These teams all have very good defenses, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not remotely shaking in my boots.

Plus, there’s no way we lose to the Chiefs. Monday Night Football on the road is the perfect time for some fuckery, and we here at TLL will be in attendance courtesy of Phans of Philly to watch it all unfold.

The man himself Dunphy will be there too, which pretty much guarantees a W. Final prediction? Birds by a lot.

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