YouTube TV not airing Eagles vs. Packers due to ESPN dispute is ruining friendships and destroying lives

YouTube TV and ESPN have yet to resolve their dispute, and, quite frankly, this situation has gone too far. A few friends and I, to be referred to as the Allied Forces moving forward, are in the middle of a massive rift, trying to decide where to watch the game. All because the greedy suits at Disney want a few extra dollars.

Sadly, the Eagles vs. Packers game on Monday Night Football is being gatekept from the masses, but I’ve worked out a solution that would allow us to bypass the fascist regulations put upon us by two media conglomerates and watch our favorite team in high definition.

The only thing that would be required for these three souls is to come to my spacious one-bedroom in Fishtown. Beer and cheesesteaks will be provided.

The Honorable Steve Molloy has guaranteed his attendance and plans to make the trek from Havertown. The other two, Justin [REDACTED] and Brendan Hagen, both residents within the city limits of Philadelphia, are the ones throwing a spanner in the works, so to speak.

My so-called “friends” who are allegedly “Eagles fans” refuse to make the 10-minute trip from Fairmount to Fishtown. Absolutely disgusting behavior.

This group began when the four of us had had enough of the tyranny plaguing our own lives. A mutual friend was engaged to be wed, and one of the members of the larger friend group suggested we take him out to Fogo de Chão for dinner, and we would foot his bill.

It was something we all agreed upon, until the betrothed invited his fiancée along. One meal was fine, but two? It wasn’t ideal, but we’d accepted it. That was, until the date was set for the eve of the Final Four.

Steve saw this injustice, entered the breach, and, admittedly, crashed out in our main group text. Justin, Brendan, and I recognized the shared threat to our sovereignty, took up arms for the cause, and entered the backchannels, creating this group and engineering the cancellation and failed rescheduling of said dinner. The Allied Forces had won their first battle.

This group was forged in the fires of solidarity. So to see it crumble so easily, and in such ridiculous fashion, has taken what was an Eagles gameday full of anticipation and replaced it with despair.

I’ve included some of the incredibly disappointing text messages from our two traitors, as well as the impassioned pleas (and occasional insults) from me and Steve. The only two patriots remaining in what was once a proud collection of individuals who fancy themselves on the right side of history.

Let me know if I’m out of line. I know I’m not. But I’d like to hear your wrong opinion anyway, if indeed you do hold one.

Texts containing personal information have been redacted for privacy concerns.

For context, each member’s contact photo has been updated to reflect their level of patriotism. The Honorable Steve Molloy is President Dwight D. Eisenhower due to his steadfast commitment to the cause.

Brendan Hagen is Benedict Arnold. I was not surprised by this betrayal; it’s par for the course from him at this point.

But Justin? My sweet boy has broken my heart. He is represented by Julius Rosenberg, a Cold War traitor caught and eventually executed for selling state nuclear secrets to the Soviets.

I take no joy in airing this out, but the world needs to see what those sick fucks at YouTube TV and Disney have created. A once-strong Alliance is falling apart at the seams, and it’s all thanks to corporate greed and the apparently weak backbones of two men I once thought I would go to war for.

Not so much, anymore.

Personally, I’ve given up on those two. It’s sad, but it’s just one of those things. Can’t be helped.

Steve, on the other hand, is a better man than me. He sent out one final plea. Will that be enough? Only time will tell.

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