I hate everything, Philadelphia. This week has been excruciatingly long, and, honestly, I’m not even happy it’s the weekend. I have been borderline furious all week, presumably due to a five-day hangover from Saturday night combined with the Eagles losing to the Raiders in wildly unspectacular fashion. 

Intertwined with my Sixers-induced fits of blind rage are severe lows. Questions of doubt force their way into my mind. “Are the Sixers any better than a five seed?” “Do the Eagles coaches have any clue what they’re doing” “Why hasn’t she texted back?”

Needless to say, the prospects of the greater Philadelphia sporting consciousness are not looking great heading into this weekend. The Birds are almost guaranteed to lose to the Lions, and existence is pain. It’s Halloweekend too, I just remembered. So go out there dressed up, forget who you are and where you live for a bit, and promise to not check your bar tab receipts until at least next Tuesday. It’s time to let it rip.

Eagles head to Detroit, hopefully they stay there

Where do I even begin? This Eagles team has been borderline unwatchable on both sides of the ball this season. When the best player on your team 7 weeks in is your punter, you know you’re pretty much screwed. I don’t even want the Eagles to win this game anymore. I’ll root for them and be sad if they lose, but if they do, we’ll most likely have the first and third picks in the 2022 NFL Draft. Plus, the more games we lose, the more likely it is that Sativa Sirianni, Jonathan Ganja, and Howie Resin are all shown the door at the end of the season.

The game is at 1pm on Fox. Try to not let it ruin your weekend, although it probably will.

Sixers host Hawks, try not to relive their on court trauma

Jesus Christ.

This is a game that I’m going to have to hate-watch. The Hawks are clearly better as a team, plus Joel Embiid still isn’t 100%. Also, how do the Sixers go out and face these guys? We were slated to possibly sweep them, and instead, they handed Philly one of the worst playoff series losses in the history of organized athletics. 

Many fans called for Ben Simmons to get benched during that playoff series, so I guess they got their wish in a way. We’ll see if the Sixers can pull out the dub. That said, considering the way they were neutered by the hawks in the Playoffs, I seriously doubt it.

The game’s at 7:30pm on Saturday night. God bless.

Flyers look to keep rolling After Dark in Calgary

Perhaps the saving grace of the weekend, the 4-1-1 Flyers have been on a roll in the Great White North. First, they bested the Oilers and Canucks (get fucked lol), and now look to beat on the Calgary Flames.

Again, I have zero clue if the Flames are any good, but I know the Flyers are red-hot. Their power play looks deadly, Cam Atkinson is shining early in his Flyers career, and Le Capitaine Claude Giroux is playing like we all know he can.

Catch the game at 10pm on Saturday night. Consider it a post-Sixers palette cleanser.

Regardless of how you feel about the games this weekend, I guarantee you like Halloween. I’m a miserable asshole with no hobbies, and I love Halloween. Granted, I wear a tracksuit every year in a caricature of my own ethnicity, but it’s a total ball.

Hope you all have a moderately unsafe weekend, and remember: let it rip.

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Mandatory Credit: CBS Sports