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D-Backs mascot Baxter the Bobcat insults the Phanatic with ridiculous effigy, must die a slow and painful death

The Arizona Diamondbacks and their fans are getting a little too comfortable after winning Games 3 and 4 at home. This includes their inbred mascot, Baxter, who has taken it a step too far, insulting the Phillie Phanatic in an embarrassing fashion.

Baxter put a red solo cup in a dirty mop and called it the Phanatic, spitting in the face of God in the process:

Baxter insulting the Phanatic

As disgusting as this act is, I can’t say I’m surprised. This is classic expansion team trash behavior, nothing more. Even so, they must be crushed for this insolence.

If you thought Blooper was a stupid knockoff of the Phanatic, you’d be right. But this unnatural monstrosity in Arizona is far worse.

Not only are those beady eyes too close together but he’s also got a jaw that would make the Hapsburgs stop and go, “Jesus Christ, his jaw is fucked.”

Plus, being named the Diamondbacks and having a Bobcat as your mascot makes no sense. Bobcats eat rattlesnakes all the time.

Meanwhile, the Phillie Phanatic has a rich history tracing back multiple decades and spanning multiple continents. He deserves reverence, and this Spirit Halloween motherfucker crossed a line.

I have one promise for you, Baxter. There will be blood.

Regardless of how this series ends, I will turn that son of a bitch into a rug for my living room. If I’m feeling really frisky – which I often do – I might take his carcass to a haberdasher and commission a Hercules cloak to wear for formal events.


Listen to Grease the Poles!

Gear up in the TLL Shop

Very real and legitimate journalist. I don't see a loss on the schedule.

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