Phillies Fan PSA: Adult company sends 550 gallons of lube to grease poles ahead of NLCS clinchers

Ryan Conway
October 23, 2023
Phillies
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CamSoda – an adult entertainment company – announced it has once again sent a truck filled with (10) 55-GALLON drums of lube to grease the poles across the city when the Phillies host the Diamondbacks this week. While seemingly a kind gesture to try and protect Philly fans from climbing any lamppost or traffic light in their sight, we all know resistance is futile.

CamSoda sent out a press release announcing the lube delivery this morning:

“Here at CamSoda we know a thing or two about greasy poles. We wanted to lend a helping hand to the citizens of Philadelphia – who have been known to take to the streets to celebrate a huge sports victory – including dangerously scaling light poles,” said Daryn Parker, Vice President, CamSoda. “To protect raucous Phillies fans against themselves, we wanted to hand deliver a truck full of lube to grease the light poles in and around the city with. Lube proves more difficult to scale than Crisco.”

Not only is this hilarious, but it would be a hell of a challenge. A porn site has thrown the gauntlet down, and it’s up to us as a city to rise to the occasion.

It’s obvious Crisco is no match for a drunk Philadelphian, and this press release claims lube is far more difficult to scale. While I’m extremely curious as to how the boys in the lab reached this conclusion, I still believe Phillies fans would prove to be the ultimate test.

Sadly, it is unlikely The City would allow for such a thing. Jim Kenney hasn’t done a single cool thing in his life, and he definitely will not be starting with smearing the city’s lampposts with water-based lubricant paid for by an adult streaming website.

One thing I wonder about is how this water-based lube will hold up in rainy conditions? The NLCS Crisco seemed to wash off a bit before the Phillies clinched, and I can’t imagine this stuff would hold up any better.

Regardless, we here at The Liberty Line appreciate this gesture from CamSoda. But I hate to break it to them, it doesn’t matter what you put on those poles. We literally practice this in South Philly on a yearly basis so we are ready at a moment’s notice.