Okay, so this is a little embarrassing…

Philadelphia’s fifth team, the Union, has had a pretty decent season this year. So good, in fact, that they sit in second place in the Eastern Conference of MLS, a win away from clinching a playoff spot. The only problem with that is, we here at The Liberty Line haven’t covered it in the slightest.

Don’t believe me? Take a look at our Union article feed. Look at the dates. Feel that secondhand shame? I sure do.

Granted, I don’t exactly have a leg to stand on, considering I wrote about how Summer 2021 would be the “Summer of Soccer,” then proceeded to write zero soccer-related articles. I gave the Union a few mentions in Weekend Rips (which you should all read every Friday), but that’s pretty much it.

I even had Drew make a lovely graphic for that article. Just look at it:

The failures of my colleagues and me aside, there is a task at hand for the Philadelphia Union tonight. They’ll hit the road to square off against Eastern Conference bottom-feeders (not that kind, Stephen A.) Toronto FC. You read that right. Toronto.

Another Toronto team acting as a barrier on a Philly team’s road to greatness? Whoopty doo. I have a feeling the boys head into Toronto and tally a minimum of two goals. I haven’t watched a game since July, but damn I can feel the JUICE.

The Philadelphia Union broke down all potential playoff-clinching scenarios, which was great because I only found out about the possibility of the team making the playoffs at around 4 PM today.

Now, what the Philadelphia Union left out of these odds was how easily Toronto will crumble because it is a Canadian team. This isn’t a lazy “Canadians are such nice people” joke. This is a searing critique of an emotionally damaged and unstable citizenry that projects a strong sense of self-importance and self-righteousness despite having no basis for it whatsoever.

Canadians refuse to look inward. They call out wrongdoing without acknowledging the issues in their own backyard. Here’s one issue they can fix right off the bat: how shitty their soccer team is.

Forget about the Kawhi shot, forget about the Sixers and Eagles, forget about everything troubling you. It is Philadelphia vs. Canada tonight, and our boys in navy blue have a chance to bury one of the most pathetic franchises in MLS.

The last time the Union faced Toronto FC, the march ended 5-0 in favor of Philadelphia. I don’t see the final score being much more different than that.

I know it is not the same for many of us as it would be as an actual playoff series win in one of the other major sports, but it can serve as a symbolic victory. Let the Union exorcise the city’s Toronto-born demons. Let us rinse our souls in the holy water of North American soccer and rejoice, for they are good.

The Flyers also play Edmonton tonight, meaning the entire nation of Canada will fall by sunrise. One city. One people. Unite.

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Mandatory Credit: CTV News Toronto