Chupacabra found in Western PA: What does it mean for you?
Look, there will be plenty of coverage on the 76ers blowing another massive lead against the Los Angeles Clippers last night, while Doc Rivers embarrassed himself yet again in his post game press conference.
We could also recap the Eagles-Bucs Wild Card game, or God forbid, talk about how bad the Philadelphia Flyers have been? Oh and with the lockout, there’s literally no one is talking about Major League Baseball. So let’s forget all Philly Sports for a few minutes and go on a little vacation.
This weekend, we’ll travel to the far off land of Fairfield Township in Western Pennsylvania. That’s where we will find Christina Eyth, who has stumbled upon a mysterious creature in need of desperate help. Being a far better person than most people in this toilet bowl we call planet Earth, she ventured out and rescued the poor animal.
While most of you will probably tell me that this is just a picture of a coyote with an unfortunate skin disease known as mange, I wouldn’t be so sure. As you can tell by my name, “Beercan Brain”, I am a vetenarian that specializes in identify animals and clearly, this is a Chupacabra.
What is a Chupacabra?
Chupacabras or “Goat Suckers” as their Spanish name means, are generally found on Twitter praising LeBron to an uncomfortable degree. They run in packs, typically with the Statsexuals that praise Jokic’s LEBRON metric and why that is the reason he’s better than Joel Embiid.
Sorry, let’s get back on track. There is a different type of Chupacabra found in the American southwest and Latin America, that literally sucks the innards out of farm animals.
The animal we see above is the latter kind of Chupacabra.
So how did a Chupacabra make its way into Pennsylvania, and what does it mean for you?
As a certified meteorologist and climate activist, this can likely be explained by climate change. As weather patterns shift, we will likely to see more and more cryptids make their way from the West Coast and deep south into more populated areas.
At this point, we’re all thinking the same thing: Bigfoot has to be next, right doctor?
It wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if Bigfoot came stomping into Pennsylvania sometime soon.
Actually, wait a second, Bigfoot is already here.
These monsters are clearly converging on Philadelphia for some unknown reason. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were being drawn to the region by the 76ers’ Camden practice facility accidentally disturbing the natural habitat of the Jersey Devil.
Well the last confirmed sighting of the Devil was in 2015, and coincidentally, the Sixers unveiled the practice facility in 2015. Joshua Harris is also owner of the New Jersey Devils. All of this is starting to make sense now isn’t it?
Well, actually probably not but hey, it’s the weekend.
Mandatory Credit: WXPI NEWS